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Mi's Blog5/19/2009 Some Thoughts after Marching for LifeMy boyfriend said he doesn’t understand why I joined the March for Life in Ottawa every year. It’s true that I’m a busy person, and taking a day off from work to get to Ottawa is not something I would normally do, so I was thinking how should I explain this. I asked him, “If you know a baby girl is being slaughtered to death by her parents in your neighbourhood, would you call the police?” He said yes without any hesitation. “And what if the baby girl is still in her mother’s womb?” I asked. He kept silent. We both know we can do nothing in this situation. But why is it so different? I start to ponder. A baby girl 7 months old can have her life protected by law if she’s born early, but the same baby girl can be burned alive by chemicals or have her brain suctioned out (by partial-birth abortion) “legally”, as long as she’s still in her mother’s womb. Wouldn’t that just be the same baby? And yet it seems so difficult to explain to other people, because they like to define one as the fetus and the other as a human being. But a definition cannot alter a life’s value, dignity and right to live. I would simply feel the same pain to hear that a baby has been killed, no matter if she was killed in her cradle or in her mother’s womb. It would be the same pain. What is abortion? It is a procedure to “make sure a baby is not born alive”. How was a baby girl before she is aborted? She’s living and growing day after day in her mother’s womb, waiting for the day she’s born and see this world. Abortion prevents her from doing so by “having her dead” before she leaves her mother’s body. And people say it is not killing. We all passed through that stage of life, when we were so vulnerable and reliant on our mothers. But being vulnerable doesn’t mean that it is a stage when people can still decide whether we live or die. Even a twelve-year-old gets this (1). Some people believe a “fetus” is still in a very early stage of life and can be "undone" without pain, and in some poor circumstances it’s better that it never existed, both for the mother and the baby’s good. Listen to Gianna Jessen (2, 3). She’s an abortion survivor, who was born during a saline abortion when she was seven and a half months old. Can she feel no pain at seven and a half months old? She has to bear with cerebral palsy as a result of the abortion, but at least she survived it, unlike hundreds and thousands of other babies who cannot, because 99% of the abortions are “successful”. She is adopted by a loving foster mother and she is happy to be alive. She thanks God for her life everyday. I can imagine the other hundreds and thousands of babies would have too, if only they were given the chance. They are just like us. Unfortunately in Canada, in every three of us, there is a fourth person who couldn't make it alive (4). Because of abortion. What about the mother? Wouldn’t she feel painful? Imagine a teenage girl who loves her boyfriend enough to give her body to him, only to see him throwing money at her to have an abortion after she is pregnant with their baby. Imagine a college student being forced into the abortion clinic by her parents, because she’s still in school and has no money to afford the baby, and her boyfriend went to play golf while she has the abortion. Imagine a woman who wakes up on the surgery table, who thought the problem is now fixed, only to hear the nurse saying to her, “Wait, we’re still trying remove all your baby’s parts from your body…” Your baby’s parts. Imagine that… I can’t. How can I imagine having my own baby killed in my body, and delivered out dead piece by piece, by my own choice? It sounds like a nightmare. Yet hundreds and thousands of women have to live with it. Year after year, I hear painful stories from witnesses who spoke at the March for Life in Ottawa, and from people who helped these women, and I feel so sorry for them. Many people say abortion is giving the pregnant women a choice. But have those people really heard what the women want? 80% of them who had an abortion say they would not have chosen it if they have better circumstances and around 75% of them had no other choice because they cannot afford the baby (5, 6). Many of them are unmarried women, or haven’t even finished school. Do they really feel they have a choice? And have we given them enough support? Well, if abortion seems to be a quick fix to the issue, then once the abortion is completed, the issue is considered “resolved”. But is that true? Listen to the women who went through an abortion from the Silent No More campaign. Many of them suffered depression afterwards, because they know exactly what happened and they condemn themselves for it. Abortion is not a quick fix. Both the mother and the child suffered. Who is to blame? The law that legalized abortion? Look, it's more than that. Think about the 100,000 unwanted babies in Canada each year. They won’t suddenly disappear if abortion is not legalized. They can be adopted if not aborted, but why are there so many unwanted babies in the first place? Perhaps the society as a whole should be responsible? The day it starts to break the links between sex, marriage and new life, the day this problem gets out of control. Having sex is an act that can potentially bring new life into the world. This is a simple fact. People can try all kinds of methods to prevent it, so they can enjoy the pleasure of sex without bringing the result into the world. But women’s bodies speak the truth. Having sex is a reproductive act. This link is in all of us. Is there a solution? Well, abstinence is a silver bullet. But take a look at what the schools and health institutions are doing. They distribute condoms instead of emphasizing the truth about sex, pregnancies and abortions. Obama increased fundings for contraceptive-only education and decreased support for abstinence education (8). But condoms do fail and sex leads to unwanted pregnancies and unwanted pregnancies leads to abortions. This is tragic. People doesn’t want to face it though. A graduating senior at Notre Dame complained that the abortion images made her feel uncomfortable, and yet she doesn’t seem to be disturbed by abortion itself (9). True, if she doesn’t see it, she can remain comfortable, as if nothing happens. But people need to see the truth, because the truth is happening and is hurting many people. And when they see it, sooner or later they will accept it. For the first time in more than 10 years, there’re more Americans voted themselves pro-life than pro-choice, and more people than previous years turn to think this procedure should be illegal in all circumstances (10). In Canada, abortion still has no limits. But the voice against it can be heard, and will be heard. March for Life is one way to speak up. More than 10,000 Canadians did (11). I'm glad I did. Be part of this voice, and keep watching. As abortion is a true injustice and evil in this world, this voice against it will not die, but only gets stronger.     9/30/2006 讓失去變為可愛最近在網上看見這篇發人深省的散文﹕
一個老人在行駛的火車上， 不小心從窗口把剛買的新鞋弄掉了一隻， 周圍的人都為他婉惜。 讓人大吃一驚。 老人解釋道：「這一隻鞋無論多麼昂貴， 對我來說也沒有用了，如果有誰撿到一雙鞋， 說不定還能穿呢！」 顯然， 老人的行為已有了價值判斷 ： 與其抱殘守缺不如斷然放棄 。
我們都有過某種重要的東西失去的時候， 且大都在心理上投下了陰影。 原因就是我們並沒有調整心態去面對失去， 總是沉湎於已經不存在的東西。 事實上，與其為失去的而懊惱， 不如正視現實，換一個角度想問題： 也許你失去的，正是他人應該得到的。
普希金 (Aleksandr Pushkin) 在一首詩中寫道： 「一切都是暫時的，一切都會消逝；讓失去的變為可愛。」 有時，失去不一定是憂傷，而是成為一種美麗； 失去不一定是損失，也可能是奉獻。 只要我們抱著積極樂觀的心態，
失去的也會變為可愛。 主耶穌亦有說過類似的道理﹕「我實實在在告訴你們：
一粒麥子如果不落在地裏死了，仍只是一粒；
如果死了，才結出許多子粒來。」(John 12:24)
也許，如果我們懂得放手，讓失去的失去，過去的過去，
自己和別人的人生，反而會更加豐盛。
9/29/2006 結果有時候，我會不知道自己做了甚麼﹔特別當結果出乎意料之外時。
我以為我正在跟著天主的指引，所以方向應該錯不了﹔
可是當結果強差人意時，我會懷疑﹕這真是天主給我的計劃，還是哪裡出錯了﹖
天主不會錯的，那麼錯的，自然是我。
主耶穌曾說過﹕凡是好樹都結好果子； 而壞樹都結壞果子；
好樹不能結壞果子，壞樹也不能結好果子。
凡不結好果子的樹必要砍倒，投入火中。
所以，你們可憑他們的果子辨別他們。 (Matthew 7:17-20)
現正拿著壞果子的我，有點欲哭無淚的感覺。
好吧，我的責任，少不了。畢竟我們都有決擇過。
我說過我會回去，然後卻食言﹔
他說過他會回來，最後也食言。
我曾想過放手，卻選擇容忍﹔
他曾一忍再忍，卻結果放手。
其實在不同的環境、不同的際遇裡，
我們都有所改變，卻忘了告知對方。
只是，那些時間已經追不回來。
我不完美，我有所疏忽，我的智慧有限。
對不起。
不過，我還是仰賴天主的仁慈。
我嘗試樂觀的想，或許我的過失，早在祂的計算之內。
只是，我需要慢慢的明白，祂給我的計劃是甚麼……
誠然，我知道我對你們所懷的計劃──上主的斷語──是和平而不是災禍的計劃，令你們有前途，有希望。
那時你呼求我，前來懇求我，我必俯聽；
尋找我，必找到我，因為你們是全心尋求我。(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
這時候，我就只能全心禱告。
幸好在祂之內，愛，沒有界限。
我還是能用別的方式，好好的繼續去愛。
9/27/2006 Our Restless, Busy SocietyThere are times that I wonder why I don't like Hong Kong as a place to settle down, and today, while reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings, I found a good article that explains my feelings well:
"What most strikes me, being back in this city, is the full force of the restlessness, the loneliness, and the tension that holds so many people... So many of my friends feel overwhelmed by the many demands made on them; few feel the inner peace and joy they so much desire.
To celebrate life together, to be together in community, to simply enjoy the beauty of creation, the love of people and the goodness of God--those seem faraway ideals. There seems to be a mountain of obstacles preventing people from being where their hearts want to be. It is so painful to watch and experience. The astonishing thing is that the battle for survival has become so "normal" that few people really believe that it can be different... I want so much to bring them to new places, show them new perspectives, and point out to them new ways. But in this hectic, pressured, competitive, exhausting context, who can really hear me? I even wonder how long I myself can stay in touch with the voice of the spirit when the demons of this world make so much noise..."
One of the reason my loved one gave me up, after 6.5 years of serious commitment, is that I took too long to return to this city. I still wonder if I've made a wrong choice, but if I were to choose again, I think it'll still turn out the same, because I don't want to see my soul drowning in such a restless, busy society, just like how he has drowned his. I thought I could get him out of there, but I failed. Maybe someday he'll understand, or maybe someday I'll change my mind. Only God knows.
9/26/2006 Out of Solitude 1: Out of SolitudeFinally, I have time to read "Out of Solitude" by Henri Nouwen, a book recommended by a friend long long time ago… It talks about 3 meditations: out of solitude, with care, and in expectation. (Let me summarize them one by one...) 1. Out of Solitude: "To live a Christian life means to live in the world without being of it." According to Nouwen, the problem with being of this world is that "we become what the world makes us". This actually resembles what Fr. Ching said in GT'06, that the view of this world teaches us to think about ourselves in terms of our accomplishments and contributions. If we get high grades, we're smart; if we perform well on our jobs, we excel. Otherwise, we're nothing. Consequently, we've sold our soul and identity to the grade-givers of this world. (*sigh*... how true...) Everyday, we must strive to live up to the expectations of others, and before we know it, we've become restless and end up in despair, because we've made ourselves prisoners of this success-oriented world. Now the first meditation Nouwen proposes is: to find a life in solitude to balance our life in action. Because only in solitude, we can listen to our Heavenly father, who sets us free before we ask and who loves us because of who we are, not because of what we can do. This meditation is not taught by someone of this world, but demonstrated by Jesus our Lord. In the bible, "in the middle of sentences loaded with action—healing suffering people, casting out devils, responding to impatient disciples, traveling from town to town and preaching from synagogue to synagogue—we find these quiet words: In the morning, long before dawn, he got up and left the house, and went off to a lonely place and prayed there. (Mark 1:35)" We need a lonely place, just like Jesus, to pray and let our inner freedom to strengthen with the healing words from above, and not be preoccupied by the countless worldly tasks with our usefulness. (My first impression on this is that Jesus was quite occupied too, but I suppose the difference is that his solitary prayers strengthen his will to carry out the mission from above, therefore he never get distracted by worldly matters... unlike us, we easily get blinded by worldly matters...) I especially like the short story at the end:
「巧者勞而知者憂，無能者無所求，飽食而敖游，汎若不系之舟，虛而敖游者也！」
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