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5/19/2009 Some Thoughts after Marching for LifeMy boyfriend said he doesn’t understand why I joined the March for Life in Ottawa every year. It’s true that I’m a busy person, and taking a day off from work to get to Ottawa is not something I would normally do, so I was thinking how should I explain this. I asked him, “If you know a baby girl is being slaughtered to death by her parents in your neighbourhood, would you call the police?” He said yes without any hesitation. “And what if the baby girl is still in her mother’s womb?” I asked. He kept silent. We both know we can do nothing in this situation. But why is it so different? I start to ponder. A baby girl 7 months old can have her life protected by law if she’s born early, but the same baby girl can be burned alive by chemicals or have her brain suctioned out (by partial-birth abortion) “legally”, as long as she’s still in her mother’s womb. Wouldn’t that just be the same baby? And yet it seems so difficult to explain to other people, because they like to define one as the fetus and the other as a human being. But a definition cannot alter a life’s value, dignity and right to live. I would simply feel the same pain to hear that a baby has been killed, no matter if she was killed in her cradle or in her mother’s womb. It would be the same pain. What is abortion? It is a procedure to “make sure a baby is not born alive”. How was a baby girl before she is aborted? She’s living and growing day after day in her mother’s womb, waiting for the day she’s born and see this world. Abortion prevents her from doing so by “having her dead” before she leaves her mother’s body. And people say it is not killing. We all passed through that stage of life, when we were so vulnerable and reliant on our mothers. But being vulnerable doesn’t mean that it is a stage when people can still decide whether we live or die. Even a twelve-year-old gets this (1). Some people believe a “fetus” is still in a very early stage of life and can be "undone" without pain, and in some poor circumstances it’s better that it never existed, both for the mother and the baby’s good. Listen to Gianna Jessen (2, 3). She’s an abortion survivor, who was born during a saline abortion when she was seven and a half months old. Can she feel no pain at seven and a half months old? She has to bear with cerebral palsy as a result of the abortion, but at least she survived it, unlike hundreds and thousands of other babies who cannot, because 99% of the abortions are “successful”. She is adopted by a loving foster mother and she is happy to be alive. She thanks God for her life everyday. I can imagine the other hundreds and thousands of babies would have too, if only they were given the chance. They are just like us. Unfortunately in Canada, in every three of us, there is a fourth person who couldn't make it alive (4). Because of abortion. What about the mother? Wouldn’t she feel painful? Imagine a teenage girl who loves her boyfriend enough to give her body to him, only to see him throwing money at her to have an abortion after she is pregnant with their baby. Imagine a college student being forced into the abortion clinic by her parents, because she’s still in school and has no money to afford the baby, and her boyfriend went to play golf while she has the abortion. Imagine a woman who wakes up on the surgery table, who thought the problem is now fixed, only to hear the nurse saying to her, “Wait, we’re still trying remove all your baby’s parts from your body…” Your baby’s parts. Imagine that… I can’t. How can I imagine having my own baby killed in my body, and delivered out dead piece by piece, by my own choice? It sounds like a nightmare. Yet hundreds and thousands of women have to live with it. Year after year, I hear painful stories from witnesses who spoke at the March for Life in Ottawa, and from people who helped these women, and I feel so sorry for them. Many people say abortion is giving the pregnant women a choice. But have those people really heard what the women want? 80% of them who had an abortion say they would not have chosen it if they have better circumstances and around 75% of them had no other choice because they cannot afford the baby (5, 6). Many of them are unmarried women, or haven’t even finished school. Do they really feel they have a choice? And have we given them enough support? Well, if abortion seems to be a quick fix to the issue, then once the abortion is completed, the issue is considered “resolved”. But is that true? Listen to the women who went through an abortion from the Silent No More campaign. Many of them suffered depression afterwards, because they know exactly what happened and they condemn themselves for it. Abortion is not a quick fix. Both the mother and the child suffered. Who is to blame? The law that legalized abortion? Look, it's more than that. Think about the 100,000 unwanted babies in Canada each year. They won’t suddenly disappear if abortion is not legalized. They can be adopted if not aborted, but why are there so many unwanted babies in the first place? Perhaps the society as a whole should be responsible? The day it starts to break the links between sex, marriage and new life, the day this problem gets out of control. Having sex is an act that can potentially bring new life into the world. This is a simple fact. People can try all kinds of methods to prevent it, so they can enjoy the pleasure of sex without bringing the result into the world. But women’s bodies speak the truth. Having sex is a reproductive act. This link is in all of us. Is there a solution? Well, abstinence is a silver bullet. But take a look at what the schools and health institutions are doing. They distribute condoms instead of emphasizing the truth about sex, pregnancies and abortions. Obama increased fundings for contraceptive-only education and decreased support for abstinence education (8). But condoms do fail and sex leads to unwanted pregnancies and unwanted pregnancies leads to abortions. This is tragic. People doesn’t want to face it though. A graduating senior at Notre Dame complained that the abortion images made her feel uncomfortable, and yet she doesn’t seem to be disturbed by abortion itself (9). True, if she doesn’t see it, she can remain comfortable, as if nothing happens. But people need to see the truth, because the truth is happening and is hurting many people. And when they see it, sooner or later they will accept it. For the first time in more than 10 years, there’re more Americans voted themselves pro-life than pro-choice, and more people than previous years turn to think this procedure should be illegal in all circumstances (10). In Canada, abortion still has no limits. But the voice against it can be heard, and will be heard. March for Life is one way to speak up. More than 10,000 Canadians did (11). I'm glad I did. Be part of this voice, and keep watching. As abortion is a true injustice and evil in this world, this voice against it will not die, but only gets stronger.     9/30/2006 讓失去變為可愛最近在網上看見這篇發人深省的散文﹕
一個老人在行駛的火車上， 不小心從窗口把剛買的新鞋弄掉了一隻， 周圍的人都為他婉惜。 讓人大吃一驚。 老人解釋道：「這一隻鞋無論多麼昂貴， 對我來說也沒有用了，如果有誰撿到一雙鞋， 說不定還能穿呢！」 顯然， 老人的行為已有了價值判斷 ： 與其抱殘守缺不如斷然放棄 。
我們都有過某種重要的東西失去的時候， 且大都在心理上投下了陰影。 原因就是我們並沒有調整心態去面對失去， 總是沉湎於已經不存在的東西。 事實上，與其為失去的而懊惱， 不如正視現實，換一個角度想問題： 也許你失去的，正是他人應該得到的。
普希金 (Aleksandr Pushkin) 在一首詩中寫道： 「一切都是暫時的，一切都會消逝；讓失去的變為可愛。」 有時，失去不一定是憂傷，而是成為一種美麗； 失去不一定是損失，也可能是奉獻。 只要我們抱著積極樂觀的心態，
失去的也會變為可愛。 主耶穌亦有說過類似的道理﹕「我實實在在告訴你們：
一粒麥子如果不落在地裏死了，仍只是一粒；
如果死了，才結出許多子粒來。」(John 12:24)
也許，如果我們懂得放手，讓失去的失去，過去的過去，
自己和別人的人生，反而會更加豐盛。
9/29/2006 結果有時候，我會不知道自己做了甚麼﹔特別當結果出乎意料之外時。
我以為我正在跟著天主的指引，所以方向應該錯不了﹔
可是當結果強差人意時，我會懷疑﹕這真是天主給我的計劃，還是哪裡出錯了﹖
天主不會錯的，那麼錯的，自然是我。
主耶穌曾說過﹕凡是好樹都結好果子； 而壞樹都結壞果子；
好樹不能結壞果子，壞樹也不能結好果子。
凡不結好果子的樹必要砍倒，投入火中。
所以，你們可憑他們的果子辨別他們。 (Matthew 7:17-20)
現正拿著壞果子的我，有點欲哭無淚的感覺。
好吧，我的責任，少不了。畢竟我們都有決擇過。
我說過我會回去，然後卻食言﹔
他說過他會回來，最後也食言。
我曾想過放手，卻選擇容忍﹔
他曾一忍再忍，卻結果放手。
其實在不同的環境、不同的際遇裡，
我們都有所改變，卻忘了告知對方。
只是，那些時間已經追不回來。
我不完美，我有所疏忽，我的智慧有限。
對不起。
不過，我還是仰賴天主的仁慈。
我嘗試樂觀的想，或許我的過失，早在祂的計算之內。
只是，我需要慢慢的明白，祂給我的計劃是甚麼……
誠然，我知道我對你們所懷的計劃──上主的斷語──是和平而不是災禍的計劃，令你們有前途，有希望。
那時你呼求我，前來懇求我，我必俯聽；
尋找我，必找到我，因為你們是全心尋求我。(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
這時候，我就只能全心禱告。
幸好在祂之內，愛，沒有界限。
我還是能用別的方式，好好的繼續去愛。
9/27/2006 Our Restless, Busy SocietyThere are times that I wonder why I don't like Hong Kong as a place to settle down, and today, while reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings, I found a good article that explains my feelings well:
"What most strikes me, being back in this city, is the full force of the restlessness, the loneliness, and the tension that holds so many people... So many of my friends feel overwhelmed by the many demands made on them; few feel the inner peace and joy they so much desire.
To celebrate life together, to be together in community, to simply enjoy the beauty of creation, the love of people and the goodness of God--those seem faraway ideals. There seems to be a mountain of obstacles preventing people from being where their hearts want to be. It is so painful to watch and experience. The astonishing thing is that the battle for survival has become so "normal" that few people really believe that it can be different... I want so much to bring them to new places, show them new perspectives, and point out to them new ways. But in this hectic, pressured, competitive, exhausting context, who can really hear me? I even wonder how long I myself can stay in touch with the voice of the spirit when the demons of this world make so much noise..."
One of the reason my loved one gave me up, after 6.5 years of serious commitment, is that I took too long to return to this city. I still wonder if I've made a wrong choice, but if I were to choose again, I think it'll still turn out the same, because I don't want to see my soul drowning in such a restless, busy society, just like how he has drowned his. I thought I could get him out of there, but I failed. Maybe someday he'll understand, or maybe someday I'll change my mind. Only God knows.
9/26/2006 Out of Solitude 1: Out of SolitudeFinally, I have time to read "Out of Solitude" by Henri Nouwen, a book recommended by a friend long long time ago… It talks about 3 meditations: out of solitude, with care, and in expectation. (Let me summarize them one by one...) 1. Out of Solitude: "To live a Christian life means to live in the world without being of it." According to Nouwen, the problem with being of this world is that "we become what the world makes us". This actually resembles what Fr. Ching said in GT'06, that the view of this world teaches us to think about ourselves in terms of our accomplishments and contributions. If we get high grades, we're smart; if we perform well on our jobs, we excel. Otherwise, we're nothing. Consequently, we've sold our soul and identity to the grade-givers of this world. (*sigh*... how true...) Everyday, we must strive to live up to the expectations of others, and before we know it, we've become restless and end up in despair, because we've made ourselves prisoners of this success-oriented world. Now the first meditation Nouwen proposes is: to find a life in solitude to balance our life in action. Because only in solitude, we can listen to our Heavenly father, who sets us free before we ask and who loves us because of who we are, not because of what we can do. This meditation is not taught by someone of this world, but demonstrated by Jesus our Lord. In the bible, "in the middle of sentences loaded with action—healing suffering people, casting out devils, responding to impatient disciples, traveling from town to town and preaching from synagogue to synagogue—we find these quiet words: In the morning, long before dawn, he got up and left the house, and went off to a lonely place and prayed there. (Mark 1:35)" We need a lonely place, just like Jesus, to pray and let our inner freedom to strengthen with the healing words from above, and not be preoccupied by the countless worldly tasks with our usefulness. (My first impression on this is that Jesus was quite occupied too, but I suppose the difference is that his solitary prayers strengthen his will to carry out the mission from above, therefore he never get distracted by worldly matters... unlike us, we easily get blinded by worldly matters...) I especially like the short story at the end:
「巧者勞而知者憂，無能者無所求，飽食而敖游，汎若不系之舟，虛而敖游者也！」
6/18/2006 You know, the long d thing... Wahahaha............. This scene DOES look familiar to me...... man, I really  these comics...... hehe...4/3/2006 探監昨日，我以義工的身份探訪了 Kingston 的 Joyceville 男子監獄。這是我第一次進入一所還住著囚犯的監獄，實在有點緊張。我想﹕探訪孤兒院，我尚能派發玩具糖果，跟兒童們玩遊戲﹔但探訪一班成年的男罪犯，我又幫得上甚麼忙呢﹖特別是經過院牧Rita 的解說後，知道身為女性義工，要特別小心與囚犯們對答得宜，別給他們錯誤的訊息，也別給他們佔便宜云云後，我實在有點苦惱這裡是否我該來的地方。 可是我記得主耶穌基督曾說過﹕「我餓了，你們給了我吃的；我渴了，你們給了我喝的；我作客，你們收留了我； 我赤身露體，你們給了我穿的；我患病，你們看顧了我；我在監裏，你們來探望了我……我實在告訴你們：凡你們對我這些最小兄弟中的一個所做的，就是對我做的。」（Matthew 25:35-40）
我不禁想﹕如果這是為主耶穌基督做的，那麼，我又怎能推辭呢﹖
感謝主，後來一切都來得自然和順利。當他們一個一個來到小禮拜堂，我與其他義工握手迎接時，我發覺他們與平常人無異，只可惜他們不幸走錯路，導致如今失去了自由。後來我們一起在聖堂內崇拜天主、唱聖詩，然後閒談一番，和諧的氣氛令我一度忘了身處的是一個監獄，而是一個普通的聚會。有些囚犯跟我說，他們在裡面已經幾年了﹔他們曾經是基督徒，卻離開了主，犯了事，幸好現在又有機會回到主那裡去﹔其中一個還有不多的時間便能出去了，他希望能重新開始。聽見後，我深深為他們感到惋惜，但也慶幸他們重新歸向上主。我在心裡默默盼望，主在未來的日子裡會陪伴著他們，好讓他們遠離罪惡，重新開始。 雖然監獄裡的五百個囚犯，當中只有十數個來到小禮拜堂，而且聚會中也有一些我難以應付的窘境，但整體來說，我是十分感動的，因為他們比我想像中友善很多，而且看來很高興和感激我們的探訪和問候。其中一個在致謝詞中還說﹕我們讓他們知道，這個社會並沒有忘記或捨棄他們。 或許，這就是我們來這裡的意義吧。 囚犯們離開後，我們分享大家的感想時，Rita 提到縱然他們表現友善，我們也不該掉以輕心，畢竟他們是罪犯，而且有的是殺人犯，也有的是性罪犯﹔其中一個還在一天之內﹐把三個女人用刀狂刺至死（我不知道是哪一個）。我聽見後立時心寒了片刻。我承認在聚會時我確實缺乏了戒心…… 那麼，我該抱持怎樣的態度去面對他們呢﹖ 回家途中，我想起了Rita 在 Salt & Light 電視節目中所說的話。她說曾經有受害者的媽媽來問她﹕為甚麼要幫助這些犯人﹖而當Rita 看見了那婦人被性侵犯過的女兒後，她確實猶豫她還能否去愛那些性罪犯。可是有一天，當某性罪犯在她的辦公室裡侃侃而談時，Rita 竟看見耶穌正坐在他的身側，一邊流著淚，一邊撫著他的頭髮﹗ 想起這番話，我突然有所領悟。或許主耶穌基督正在讓Rita 知道，雖然祂為那犯人做過的事感到傷心得流淚，可是祂還是愛著他，不會放棄他的。 「人子來，是為尋找及拯救迷失了的人。」我想起了這主耶穌基督說過的話（Luke 19:10）。我再一次被主深深的感動，因為無論獄內獄外，我們誰都犯過錯，但主卻從不離棄我們。我也加倍敬佩Rita 在監獄裡服務的勇氣和耐心﹔已經八年了，但為了回應主的召叫，她還是無怨無悔的堅持下去。 我也慶幸我不知道那些人犯了甚麼事而給送進獄中，因此沒有令我對他們心存芥蒂。因為對我們這班義工來說，重要的並不是他們的過去，而是希望透過主的愛和我們的關心，他們會被感化而不再犯罪。 正如他們其中一個所說﹕我們讓他們知道，這個社會並沒有忘記或捨棄他們。如果作為義工能代表社會給他們希望，令他們出獄後能決心遠離罪惡，那麼再多的努力也是值得的。 願主佑他們，也佑 Rita 一切平安、順利。阿們。 3/4/2006 Easter != 復活節 ?隨著 Lent (四旬齋期) 的來臨﹐我知道約一個月後便是 Easter (復活節)了。
可是當我好奇的查看為何復活節的英文叫作Easter時﹐卻有意想不到的發現……
在聖經裡﹐Easter 這個名詞的出現不多﹐例如在 KJV version 就只有一次:
Act 12:4 And when he had apprehended him, he put [him] in prison, and delivered [him] to four quaternions of soldiers to keep him; intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people.
這一次的出現﹐原來還是因為釋者把 Greek word pascha (=Passover) 錯誤釋錯為 Easter!! >_<
於是我查查Easter的解釋﹕
[Merriam-Webster online] Easter: a feast that commemorates Christ's resurrection and is observed with variations of date due to different calendars on the first Sunday after the paschal full moon.
當我以為沒問題時﹐一看它的出處便嘔血了……
[dictionary.com] Easter: originally a Saxon word (Eostre), denoting a goddess of the Saxons (some says it’s a Teutonic goddess referred to as the queen of heaven) in honour of whom sacrifices were offered about the time of the Passover. Hence the name came to be given to the festival of the Resurrection of Christ, which occurred at the time of the Passover……
根據 the Catholic Encyclopedia, all of Easter (a Teutonic goddess), Easter eggs (celebrating the return of spring) and Easter rabbits (a symbol for fertility) all have their origins in paganism, and I can’t believe they’re so widely spread and associated with the Resurrection of Jesus!
(In Chinese it’s even worst, coz we translate those terms as 復活蛋 and 復活兔)
Although 有人嘗試解釋 how they relate to Jesus, e.g. 復活蛋象徵「耶穌復活、走出石墓」etc., but in reality these pagan traditions divert our focus on Jesus, kind of like having Santa Claus during Christmas when we’re supposed to celebrate Jesus’ birth!!
As it says in What Are the Real Origins of Easter?
So the question is: How come many of us mess up the Resurrection of Jesus with the pagan traditions? Is it another trick of Satan?
Oh Lord, how can we worship thee in vain?
2/10/2006 McDonald's Video GameI came across a flash game today, which I found pretty funny,
it's called the McDonald's Video Game.
It's about how to run the McDonald's business successfully, and
there are some interesting tips in running the business:
Tritamatic:
For each cow slaughtered, there is a lot of organic matter we can’t use. It would be convenient make animal flour from this stuff and mix it in the fodder.
Industrial waste:
You can save time and money by adding industrial waste in the fodder. Oils, sewage and other shit are not very good for the cows’ health but they are so convenient.
Hormones: You can fill the cows with hormones to make them fatten more quickly. This could have some risks to consumer health, but make no mistake: in love and war everything is licit. Mad cow:
BSE is a disease caused by the use of animal flours in the animals’ feeding. To avoid scandal it is better to destroy the infected cows. Customers:
Their number depends on advertising and the activities of our detractors. The public relations office develops countermeasures against our detractors (environmentalists, consumer associations and other bands of radicals), such as by corrupting a politician, a climatologist, a health officer, or a nutritionist. If you ran out of terrain in South America, you can corrupt the Sao Josè's major to use their grain field...LoL
I didn't really follow the instructions, so fairly quickly I ran out of fat cows, made McDonald's go backrupt, and got fired, hehe...
Here's the link, have fun~!
10/8/2005 《小企鵝大長征》觀後感回港後﹐第一齣看的電影便是《小企鵝大長征》。
9/19/2005 心情
今天忽然察覺到一件事﹕有些人用膳的時候﹐如果食物的味道不夠好﹐便會開口批評﹐而且往往不是一句起、兩句止。 把食物彈得一文不值後﹐自己固然吃得不高興﹐同桌的親友也會感到掃興……
我遇到這類人時﹐會吃得很痛苦﹐因為有甚麼比糟糕的心情更糟呢﹖ 其實我對食物的要求不算高﹐因為我比較著重吃飯時的心情﹐所以一旦心情被影響後﹐吃甚麼也變得淡而無味﹐難以下嚥。
我不禁想﹕日常的生活裡﹐有要求是好﹐但要求的目的是甚麼﹖ 如果要求達不到﹐結果會令自己不高興時﹐為何就不能放下要求﹐享受現有的呢﹖ 這會是很多人的通病嗎﹖ 我看見現今有很多人生活得不怎麼快樂﹐為甚麼呢﹖ 他們物質上比以往的人富裕很多﹐但心靈卻貧乏得多﹐令我開始明白﹐生活的素質其實不是那麼重要﹐重要的是自己生活時的態度和心情。 很多人不滿現有的生活而感到不愉快﹐但到頭來﹐會否是他們心中的「不滿」奪去了他們的快樂呢﹖ 這問題不論在生活、家庭、愛情﹐甚至自身的層面上﹐其實道理也是一樣。 有多少次﹐我們因為挑剔自己、家人或情人的表現未如理想﹐而破壞了大家的心情呢﹖這樣值得嗎﹖ 對高要求的堅持﹐無疑能令人進步﹔但有時候﹐放開心中的執著﹐往往亦能令自己和身邊的人好過一點。
對於心中「不滿」的取捨﹐全在自己的一念之間﹐ 為何人總喜歡把它留下來﹐弄糟自己的心情呢﹖
9/18/2005 What's the meaning of Mass? 彌撒有甚麼意義呢﹖在最後的晚餐中﹐ 耶穌分餅和喝酒時曾這樣對門徒說﹕「你們也應當如此行﹐為的是紀念我。」（Luke 22:19）這晚餐成了彌撒的雛型。 開始上慕道班後﹐我最近每個星期天都去望彌撒﹐可是我不禁疑惑﹕這不斷重複的儀式﹐究竟有甚麼意義呢﹖ 這星期﹐我從圖書館借來了「感恩的麵餅」這個 tape﹐當中舉出了五個較為生活化（非歷史）的意義﹐大概如下﹕ 1) Faith 信德 2) Participation 參與 3) Worship 崇拜 4) Community 團體 5) Sacrifice 犧牲
看完這個tape之後﹐才明白到彌撒背後的不少意義呢﹗ 接下來﹐便是要從歷史的角度看了。 9/17/2005 如何勝過罪和撒旦﹖ 在網上看見這個小故事後﹐翎想跟大家一起分享 如何可以天天勝過罪和撒旦呢﹖
火焰佈道家──布永康在非洲一個佈道會中說了這樣的一個故事：
有一位年輕人，他擁有一棟極漂亮的房子，這棟房子有兩層，上層有五個房間，下層有五個房間，總共十個房間。他非常高興擁有這棟房子，而且引以為傲。
耶穌對他說：我敲門想要進來，你要讓我進來嗎？
是魔鬼．．．．．．
然後，他想：等一下，耶穌住在我家，他為什麼不幫助我，他難道沒有聽見我在喊叫，需要幫忙嗎？我得問耶穌為什麼不幫助我，我已給他最好的房間。 耶穌說：孩子，在這十個房間中，你住了九間，我只住了一間。
於是他把門只開了一小縫，從裡面偷看一下．．．．．．是誰？ 他筋疲力盡。然後，他說：等一下，我給耶穌一半的房間，包括最好的房間，耶穌為什麼不來幫助我，我一定要問問祂。 他走到樓上說：主耶穌啊，魔鬼又來找我了！你為什麼不幫我？我給你五個房間了。
年輕人還在睡覺，他嚇得跳下床，哭喪著臉，說：魔鬼又來了．．．．．． 他說：我曉得了！我不再是房子的主人，擁有房子的主人必須去開門。 耶穌不只開一個小縫而已，他把門大大的打開；年輕人躲在耶穌後面，他想看會發生什麼事。 Are You Happy? 讓耶穌為你爭戰，耶穌會打擊魔鬼，你站在耶穌後面。 有些基督徒給耶穌九個房間，但在第十個房間的門口貼了一張特別的告示：「閒人勿進」。 為什麼？因為他們在第十個房間放了污穢的雜誌，放了酒，他們在那裡犯罪，他們不要耶穌進去，因為祂會看出不對勁。
你騙得了太太，但騙不了耶穌；你騙得過先生，但神的眼睛像火。
我督促你因為我愛你，把整棟房子給耶穌吧！把整顆心都給耶穌吧！我用房子比喻做心，我將整個心都獻給主，甘心樂意事奉主，所有全奉獻。
你還有甚麼要躲藏嗎﹖還為自己的罪和軟弱感到憂慮和沮喪嗎﹖ 相信主吧﹐將一切的憂慮卸給主﹐因為祂顧念我們的。（彼前5:7）只是﹐我們得先把整顆
9/8/2005 能跟祂成為朋友嗎﹖"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)
以上是從加東生活營裡﹐看到的一段主耶穌說的話。 我又驚又喜地問﹕我真的能成為祂的朋友嗎﹖
曾經聽見信徒們用 personal relationship 或 love story 來 形容他們跟主耶穌的關係﹐我一直不能理解。 每當祈禱的時候﹐我總是自慚形穢﹔ 因為在祂的光芒下﹐我被照得滿身污垢﹐沒有抬起頭的勇氣。 沒想到﹐把自己視作祂跟前的奴僕﹐卻成了我親近祂的絆腳石﹐ 因為我不敢愛這個高不可攀的主人。
直至 Taizé 的時候﹐我才嘗試打開自己的心扉﹐ 坦白地與祂傾訴心聲。 開始時﹐我不覺得怎樣﹐只感到心裡十分安詳平和。 然後除了唸祈禱經文外﹐ 接連兩天我繼續跟祂傾談別的事﹐ 嘗試去愛祂﹐與祂分享我的生命。 今天﹐我驀然發現 “you are in me, and I am in you” 是怎樣的感受了﹗
我不太懂得如何形容﹐只能說﹕ 我跟祂比主僕還要親密﹐而我的心靈確實被祂的愛觸動了, 只想把這份氾濫的愛傳送給其他人。
現在﹐那個令我深深動容的感受已經褪去了﹐ 因此我不敢確定自己是否真的跟祂建立起友誼﹐ 但我還是能自豪地說出(這句從前聽過別人說的話)﹕ I believe in Jesus and the Bible for one reason and one reason only, BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS REAL AND HE NEVER LIES. 9/6/2005 對生活營的感想"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities— his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." 「其實自從天主創世以來﹐祂所眼看不見的美善﹐ 即祂永遠的大能和祂為神的本性﹐都可憑祂所造的萬物辨認洞察出來﹐ 以致人無可推諉。」(Romans 1:20)
我現在才開始感受到這話裡的真諦。 人們總在奇怪﹐如何能證明天主真的存在呢﹖ 但其實我們日夜接觸的天然萬物﹐不就是最好的證明嗎﹖ 何以我們總是視若無睹呢﹖
在過去數天的加東生活營裡﹐ 我完全擺脫了城市的煩囂喧鬧﹐ 跟清幽靜謐的大自然作了很親密的接觸。
人類總是為自己創造的事物感到自豪﹐ 但當我享受著大自然的懷抱時﹐ 心裡真的想問﹕有甚麼帷幕比蔚藍的天空更美麗﹔ 有甚麼席墊比軟綿綿的青草更柔軟舒適﹔ 又有甚麼燈光比燦爛的陽光更耀眼溫暖呢﹖ 為何我以前總是那麼吝嗇﹐ 不肯把創造萬物的榮耀獻給天主﹐讚美祂﹐感謝祂呢﹖
留在郊外、忘掉俗世的煩瑣事﹐ 只專心親近和體會天主的時候﹐ 那種心靈上的富足﹐是難以形容的﹐ 就像是找到世上最合適的目標和生活。 正如神父所講﹕這就是 "a taste of heaven"。 我終於明白我這生渴求的﹐不會是物質的富足﹐ 而是靈魂的富足。
曾幾何時﹐當聽見信徒們說類似的話時﹐ 我認為信仰不過是個心靈的寄託﹔ 空虛的心靈找到依託的地方﹐當然感到充實。 我現在才明白﹐雖然這也算是一種依託 (把靈魂及生命託付給天主) ﹐ 但這不是我所想,對現實的「逃避」﹐ 而是「見證」——見證天主的愛與偉大。
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds;
and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)
弟弟給了我上述引自《聖經》的語句﹐ 我照著試試看﹐如今它真的在我身上應驗了。 我終於感受到親近天主的奇妙滋味。
8/30/2005 自由的抉擇﹕I choose to stop at a red light!?這陣子，因為好朋友 Rosa 的影響， Everyday you and I are faced with a million我怔了怔，不敢相信她說 I choose to stop at a red light !? 把車輛停在紅燈前，竟是一個自由的抉擇﹖ 如果是這樣的話，這個社會還會有秩序嗎﹖ 還是她正在對大家實行洗腦，嘗試令大家只記得 choice 的好， 然後忘記在 choice 背後，大家可能要付出的代價呢﹖ 事實上，有誰希望自己的抉擇權被別人剝削呢﹖ 你不希望，我也不希望， 所以 ProChoice 無疑是比 Anti-Choice 來得動聽。 可是高舉 ProChoice 旗幟的人有沒有想過， 為了維持社會的和諧與安定， 我們其實必須捨棄某些自由呢﹖ 正如法律，不也是在限制我們的抉擇嗎﹖ 因為每個人得到保障和自由的同時，也要遵守某些規則﹔ 正如大家不希望被別人造言誹謗， 所以整體必須放棄某些用言語攻擊別人的言論自由。 這是一種無可避免的取捨。 當然，有些抉擇的自由，別人是不好插手的， 正如看見有人喜歡 polyamory， 我不能苟同，但我又能說甚麼呢﹖ 每個人也有自己的自由， 我不喜歡，自己不做就是了。 可是影響別人的事呢﹖ 例如當談及墮胎這類敏感的話題時， 看到 "Keep your laws off my body" 等標語， 我就在想，其他人真的不應該介入嗎﹖ 一個個肚裡無辜的嬰兒被殺害， 法律也不該干涉，因為這是母親的抉擇﹖ "It's my choice" 豈不是成了人類做任何「自己」事的藉口了﹖ 那麼當我們看見有人自我傷害呢﹖視若無睹嗎﹖ 這是我們希望見到的社會嗎﹖ 何況，誰說墮胎只是母親自身的問題﹖ 別人閉門虐打自己的孩童，我們便大義凜然地阻止， 何以別人殺害肚裡無辜的嬰兒時，我們就不能理直氣壯了﹖ 兩個情況下，孩子不也有生命，正在一天一天長大嗎﹖ 再者，墮胎對母親身體的傷害，選擇的人又真的清楚嗎﹖ 天知道多少年輕的女子，未有想清楚便作出這樣的抉擇， 而之後後悔呢﹗ 我的立場，其實很簡單﹕ 我們都需要自由抉擇的權利，但不該讓它凌駕一切。 每個抉擇的背後，也可能有不同的代價， 所以抉擇的自由往往需要被規限，來提醒我們， 做甚麼是好，做甚麼是不好。 當然，社會的善惡觀念不一定是對的， 但至少不該被 ProChoice 理論的表面好處蒙蔽了雙眼， 認為有 choice 便是好。 最重要的，是懂得怎樣去「抉擇」， 也要懂得怎樣去「約束」自己的抉擇。 8/29/2005 已經不相信祂了，為何還要……星期五晚上，我聽到一個讓我非常震驚的名詞， 那就是－－ "Flying Spaghetti Monster"（飛行意粉怪）。 告知我這個名詞的朋友說， 這是用來諷刺 "intelligent design" 這個概念而設的， 因為他們不認為世上萬物是由擁有更高智慧的設計者 （例如上帝或外星人）構思和創造出來。 我是信奉天主的，所以聽見後，感到很難過。 我心裡問，這些人已經不相信祂了， 也得到這個自由，為何還要侮辱祂、諷刺祂的信徒呢﹖ 需要說的話，主耶穌基督在很久以前已經說過了﹔ 神蹟也顯現過，還得到很多見證﹔ 先知的預言也在祂的身上應驗了…… 即使很多人不相信祂，祂也沒有動怒， 正如祂曾向不信祂的猶太人說過﹕ "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father's name speak for me. But you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:25) 可是猶太人卻拿起石頭來打祂。 我還以為這情況已成為過去， 想不到歷史卻在不斷重演。 其實不相信的人們不跟隨祂也罷， 為何要像以往那些猶太人對祂擲石頭呢﹖ 是好像猶太人一樣，害怕祂有太多追隨者嗎﹖ 是因為愛自己的光榮多過愛天主的光榮嗎﹖ 還是因為認為人類是至高無上， 所以拒絕相信任何 "intelligent designer"﹖ 那麼……否認上帝存在的人， 認為我們從那裡來了﹖ 進化而來嗎﹖ 其實即使很多人相信達爾文的進化論， 它又能證明甚麼呢﹖ 它不過是基於很多假設， 例如假設被推論的地球年齡是正確， 然後以此為基礎，推測生物進化的時間表﹔ 然後假設沒有生命的東西， 也能在非常「偶然」的情況變成有生命﹔ 然後假設猿人與人類之間真的有半猿人， 推論人類是如何演變成今天的模樣…… 誰能證實以上的假設必然成立呢﹖ 其實進化論本來就疑點多多， 何況「假設」它成立，它又如何能否定上帝的存在呢﹖ 誰能證明上帝不是生物進化背後的引導者﹖ 除了創世記的字面解釋之外， 聖經裡，還有甚麼能被進化論推翻呢﹖ 這些論點不是我想出來的， 而是參考了其他科學家和基督徒的分析﹐ 但無可否認，這個話題當中還有很多疑團。 可惜過去的已經過去﹐不能會到最初的時候﹔ 究竟人類是創造而來，還是進化而來， 已經不能考證，只能推測。 不過與其相信人類不過是「偶然」成為最有智慧的生物， 然後在弱肉強食、適者生存的原則下生活， 我寧可相信人類是出自眷愛我們的上帝之手﹐ 繼而有獨特的生存意義， 而不是一隻隻「偶然」出現、死了也不覺可惜的生物。 不過怎樣也好，信仰本來就是一個選擇﹐ 何況我猶在探索之中，所以不好說太多了。 只不過聽見別人用那個怪名詞來取笑天主，我感到很難過。 後來，我看見主耶穌基督這樣的話﹕ "You are going to have light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light." (John 12:35) 在這個追尋信仰的旅程裡，我不時感到疑惑， 特別是當我的信仰被別人質疑、嘲笑的時候。 幸好，憑著主耶穌基督的話， 以及朋友們的相伴， 我知道這並不是一條漆黑、孤獨的路。 8/28/2005 筆記本的開場白近年來﹐有很多社會的問題﹐令我很困惑﹐很迷茫。
事實上﹐人類為了令自己的立場成立﹐ 總有辦法說出動聽的理由。 於是﹐意見不合時便衍生出沒完沒了的爭執。 從政治方面而言﹐也許誰的權力大﹐便能獲勝。 那麼從真理的角度而言呢﹖ 當正反雙方也持有不同的理據時﹐這場激烈的辯論﹐誰來當評判﹖ 你嗎﹖我嗎﹖ 然後﹐我回到人類最基本的問題﹕我們從哪裡來﹖我們來幹甚麼﹖ 誰是世上的主宰﹖ 為了這些問題﹐我開始了寫網上日記。
它記錄了我探究這些問題的過程。
如果想看日記的全集﹐
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It reminds me of 
都交給祂﹐做得到嗎﹖
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